Every so often, for hours on end I slowly waste away, stuck in the murkiest pools of my mind. Repeating insecurities to myself more often than my mantra: I'm too skinny. I'm too addicted to food. I am incapable of being alone. I don't really do very much. I am horrible at conserving money. Whatever the reason, no matter how insignificant, I exploit it. I mine it for all it's worth, until I end up alone in bed, staring wide-eyed out the window at midnight feeling as though my spirit has just curled up and died inside my body.
This is so incredibly stupid. My life is wonderful. Even if this misery is only about 10% of my waking time, I'm sick of it. I'm tired of being moody for no goddamn reason. I have a theory it's the seeds of boredness that sprout into this misery, watered by my lack-of-will and skipped meditations. I should be THRIVING in my free time. I should be using it to do a bunch of crafty things, discover new hobbies, make new friends...
Allow me to re-introduce myself.
My name is Michelle, and as of approximately 45 seconds ago, I have decided to stop being randomly miserable. I enjoy going to bed quite early, though I am rather bad at it. I am twenty years old, though I secretly wish I was already in my early thirties. I want to hang out with kids, all the time, every day. I am getting a degree in Literature, even though I want to teach pre-school. I am forever devoted to the teachings of Maharishi. I am trying to sell some crap on ebay. I occasionally enjoy acts of creativity. Last month I made a spoon while on a camping trip.
Here is my fiance posing on a bridge. I swear he's manlier when on the ground.
This is what I had for breakfast the other day. Weren't you just dying to know that?
I am rather tired. As part of my Stop-Bitching-And-Man-Up Decree, I have decided to go to bed earlier than midnight. So far so good! It has been... zero nights. But as it's only 9:21pm, I have not yet failed! I wonder if I have any e-mails...