the Quetzal

When I was younger, I used to be obsessed with many, many different things*, among which was a bird called the "Quetzal". They look something like this:

But as a six year old, I was under the impression that they were more like this:

I did countless projects on the Quetzal. Many, many of my hours were dedicated to filling powerpoints with pictures of the Quetzal** and learning their native habitats so that one day I, too, could live in the rainforest and own a Quetzal. My love for the Quetzal must've been hereditary; my mother is an avid birdwatcher, something which I often poke fun of her at for ("I saw fifty-two species of birds today!", she will say, while I trade a sardonic glance with my sister).

...This story really doesn't have a funny ending. I just really liked the Quetzal. They're pretty fucking awesome looking birds... I'll show you a real picture!! Maybe I'll even make you a powerpoint later.

(I don't know what's with the scarf on the left. Just ignore it.)

Today, I: Went to a dinner party. That's really about it... OH, I also learned that all the kitchen sinks in our building will have it's water shut off pretty much indefinitely, so we'll have to wash our dishes in the bathroom and fill the water pitcher from the bathtub. Ahh, ghetto life. xD

I love: Really, the only thing that comes to my mind is pretty creepy, so I'm just not going to say it and you can all be deluded into thinking that I'm sane.

Recent google searches: "Kanye West diamond teeth", "literal total eclipse of the heart", "quetzal", "pokemon leaf green rom" (ohhh yeahhh, pokemon games and the quetzal. That's childhood right there).

On a side note: for anyone who was paying attention, I suddenly realized that BEDA would be a bad idea for many reasons. I'm not quitting because I'm lazy, though, and that's what really mattered here.

*nothing has changed...

**The same goes for the Ocelot and Pomeranians.

Love, maybe. Probably not.

I'm about to get really serious and personal. I'll try to offset it with images, because I know that hardly anyone is particularly interested in what I'm about to say.

The other day, I was asked if I had "ever been loved someone". Apart from making fun of the question asker (and being slightly unsure of what he was actually asking), I answered: yes, I believe that I have; regardless of whether or not he meant if I'd loved or been loved.

It was a cheeky answer, because I purposefully misinterpreted it. Almost everyone has loved, at some point or another, whether it be their parents or friends or pets or something as simple as an article of clothing. But the real question was whether or not I'd been in love, with reciprocated feelings.

...To which I've got an exponentially longer answer.

The gist of it: I don't actually know.

There's no way I could answer for the boys in question, so I'll just go ahead and skip that part.

As for myself, there are times in which I say, "definitely, yes", but I'm really not experienced enough in that field to justify myself. I have, however, felt a pull so strong that I've devoted months of my life to it. I've cared so much for a guy that I would've been there for him no matter what. I've even smiled too much to keep kissing properly, and sometimes I feel like that's about as in love as it gets.

But I also know that love comes with the kind of vulnerability that causes heartbreak. In the closest I've felt to love, I didn't give enough of myself away to really feel the loss--and how could I have been in love if I didn't even care enough to cry when it was over?

So... after that, I suppose I think my answer is no. But really, I'm more than happy just sitting here squeezing the juice out of this aloe vera plant for the time being. It's very entertaining.

Today, I: Looked at fish, painted the hell out of a wall... ate a sandwich... almost contracted cancer... the normal stuff.

I LOVE: fat and long bunnies...

College in: WHAT A STUPID SECTION

Recent google searches includes: "kitten in mouth japanese girl"

p.s. I've really got to stop talking about such personal things on the internet. The last time I did this, it ended very badly and I'm still terribly embarrassed about it.

Evil Dust Bunny of Whimsy

One of the main reasons why I like to blog is because I feel like it's easier for me to define myself here, in my writing, than it is for me to do so by ambling around spewing thoughts all day. Writing allows me to catalog my personality. Essentially, it helps my mind evolve from a colorful dust-bunny of whimsy to an easily readable list.

The only problem with this, however, is the way I try to define myself isn't always me (see: easygoing and productive). I try, to the best of my abilities, to say what I truly feel... However, people aren't constant, and I'm a prime example of that. One day I'll feel one way, and the next I'll think something completely opposite. It's one of the reasons why I always have the worst relationships.

I think I'm getting better, though; I'm trying not to try to be anything. Just an open effort to be fully myself. Well... minus all the creepiness. I have to make a conscious effort to keep that on the DL.

I think I'm getting better at it, too! I almost appear completely sane to people that have never met me before.

∫: lol, that came up when I tried to bold.

College in: 21 days, I think? Or maybe it's 19. Anyone know when classes start? :s

Today, I: Ordered THREE THINGS online!! And read my SLR camera's entire manual. And drove to Ottumwa to go shopping for dorm sheets. I AM SUPER PRODUCTIVE TODAY LIKE x3!!

I LOVE: MIKA, again. Listening to his albums on repeat. He's addictive, like sugar and candy and hot french men and yaoi. Which he essentially embodies, except technically he's lebanese...

Recent google searches: ALL of them are about Naruto. Seriously... all of them.

POS-NEGS

There are like, ten million Naruto Shippuuden spoilers at the end of this. Just a warning.

Things I love and/or would marry immediately upon having the choice:

1. Naruto Uzumaki

2. Guacamole

3. Flint, from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

4. James Marsters' cheek bones

5. Organic raisins

6. 505, by the Arctic Monkeys

7. Barbie movies / disgustingly girly Anime

8. The black lady's voice in the Let it Be cover from Across the Universe

9. Tamaki Suoh

10. Tamaki Suoh's money

11. Just kidding about the last one

12. But it would be nice

13. I could have unlimited guacamole or maybe James Marsters' cheek bones

14. Just kidding I wouldn't want them on my face

15. I wouldn't mind licking them on someone else's, though

16. That was really creepy..

17. Stop writing in list format, Michelle

18. Okay

Things that perturb me:

1. Having to DO things

2. The fact that fireflies just look like ordinary bugs when you catch them

3. Websites from the nineties (you know, black background, flashy graphics, cyan text)

4. The fact that tomatoes are a fruit and everyone begrudgingly recognizes this, but avocados are also a fruit and nobody ever thinks about them

5. Over-cooked squash

COLLEGE: oh, who cares?

SHIPPUUDEN: 156 YEAH PROGRESSION

Did you cry?: When Naruto and Tsunade found out about Jiraiya

Google Searches: "naruto", "sage naruto", "Minato", "KAKASHI DIES?!!!"

In regards to the last: I don't believe it. It's not possible. He would never die. I think somebody made it up. Somebody who is obviously not Masashi Kishimoto (yes, I did have to look up his name because I could never be expected to remember something that complex).

And in regards to that: IF YOU KNOW DO NOT TELL ME I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT

DROOLING

I HAVE NO IDEA HOW HE CAN BE SIMULTANEOUSLY SO RIDICULOUS LOOKING AND HOT.

...I clearly have nothing to do.

So I found all of these Barbie movies in my building, neatly stacked away in a box that belongs to my neighbors. I figure nobody will notice if I take them out one at a time and watch them, right? Is it weird that I want to watch them? Because I sincerely do. I mean, I'm eighteen years old. I should be watching porn or something. But no, I just want to watch Barbie movies and look at pictures of James Marsters. Which is kind of like porn, I guess, except he's fully clothed. Or at least wearing pants, or something.

I probably have to stop talking about porn and start writing smart-people-things, now that I'm kind of working for my school's online paper. If important college people happen to visit my blog to see what kind of person I am, they'll be sorely disappointed. And also disturbed. And also bored, because important college people don't like weird girls and talk of porn. Unless they do, secretly, and live very silent lives because they're forced to keep all hush hush about the things they love. Like me. And porn.

...God, I need to make some friends or something.

COLLEGE: 28 days, I think?

Shippuuden: 145, I suck

Exciting: AVATAR: THE LEGEND OF KORRA IS OFFICIAL

Google searches: "james marsters", some unimportant things, why did I google "entourage"..?

P.S. IF YOU READ THIS YOU HAVE TO COMMENT NO MATTER WHAT OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN FOR BEING A CREEPY BLOG-VOYEUR.

DOOOOO IT

please.

Okay, I'll admit that I suck

I have no idea why, but I've been super sucky at everything lately.
I tried this photo project I've been thinking about recently, and it totally blew up in my face. Obviously not literally, because then I would've just taken artsy shots of my face covered in paint, but let me show you what I'm talking about:

It was a pretty cool idea, right? Cover a window with designs and then use the light from outside to illuminate it. I even painted a dinosaur so I could pretend there was a giant two-dimentional monster rampaging around in the field across from my frat*. The idea had so much potential, when it still lived in my head.

But when I let it out, I found the quality of the pictures to be supremely disappointing. I couldn't seem to do my idea justice. The only picture from the whole scenario that I deemed worthy of my flickr page was one I took on a whim during clean up; just a bunch of painty paper towels. Did you know "painty" is a real word? Because I had no idea until just now.

Also, lately I've been all socially retarded. I'd like to think of myself as outgoing--I frequently go out and do abnormal things like sneaking around fancy hotels or having noodle-fights in wal-mart. Shy people don't have noodle fights in public places, right?

But seriously, I've even lost my ability to have a proper "I'm-actually-paying-attention-to-the-words-you-are-saying" conversation. I just kind of look at the person talking and blink a lot. Sometimes I laugh when everyone else does or even say, "Yeah!" as I spill my water everywhere. I frequently take pride in the fact that I'm a fantastic conversationalist, especially if we don't know each other well. There are so many things to talk about with people who don't know every fibre of your being.

I don't know what's going on with my motor skills, but from now on I'm going to force myself into social situations until I snap out of it.

And also carry around my camera until I start getting better again.

I dunno. Maybe I just have to adjust to being back in Fairfield again. Or go out and get drunk.

Haha.

Not really.

...

I AM GOING TO COLLEGE IN: some days
SHIPPUUDEN: 144 OH YEAH BABY

I NEED: to stop being socially retarded. Also, an xD card reader. And ramen.
Recent Google Searches include: boring stuff

*Have I ever mentioned that I live in a frat? Because I do.

I lied, it's not epic.

I had this really epic dream last night...

I was driving aimlessly (which was cool--I'm never allowed to drive here), and I ended up downtown where I promptly ran out of gas so I shrunk my car and carried it around with me in search of a gas station. I asked this man inside a book store, but he took me to this really weird place where he tried to rape and/or kill me (I think I've been watching too much Buffy)... he failed, but only just, so I ran away and found these mexicans to ask but before I could get my gas I WOKE UP which makes me upset because I never got to finish my dream.

Just like yesterday, when I had a dream about serving myself breakfast tacos in a large hotel room and I NEVER GOT TO EAT MY BREAKFAST TACO... BAHHH. You can see I have qualms with my slumberous state.

I also have qualms with the fact that "slumberous" is actually a word.

I just found a tiny rock in my hair...

Thinking about: How people can enter and exit your life so easily.
Shippuden: 93 and PISSY because my friend Erich is like, fifty-million-and-four episodes ahead of me, and he only started watching when I told him to last march.
Recent Google Searches Includes: "Orochimama". Possibly the best nickname for him, ever.