Perception

Perspective.
It's all about perspective.
People, I mean.

I judge people. I don't mean to, really.
I'm a naturally perceptive person. That sounds like an excuse, but it's not meant to be. I just find it easy to see people. Predict their actions. Reading people is like second nature to me.

Maybe that's why my head feels so fucked with. When you're not given all the basics of the material, there's no way that you be correct.

It's not like it should matter. I know it shouldn't, I do: the reason for the Shift is so trivial.

Regardless, the Shift has happened, and I still can't properly wrap my head around the fact that there was a shift at all. I can't shake the image of what I was so positively sure that I knew. I can't shake the fact that I was so completely and entirely wrong, because I still want to cling to what I thought I knew. It was warm, and reassuring, and overwhelmingly benevolent.

But this one, tiny, insignificant puzzle piece changes the picture entirely.

Here's something that I've known all along:

Nobody is the same in everyone's mind. To every single person, the material that they've been given makes up who they see you as. You are someone different to everyone.

Even going into everything knowing that, it's hard for me to realize there are so many more levels to people than I see.

I'm not living in a storybook world. These characters aren't characters: They're people. They can't be defined by certain traits or always be expected to act the same way. Real people are inconsistent, each with their own pounds of emotional baggage and multiple dimensions.

I am way, way over my head, and this is no longer an ocean I want to swim in.

SO I MET NOAH RINGER...

...in my dream last night (ooh, bummer*, not real).

LET ME TELL YOU THE STORY! Yes!

So I was back in high school, and we were all watching this movie because we had a substitute, right? And my friend Erich comes over with his friend to the desk I was sitting on top of, and he was like,

him: Let's go play POKEMON BORED GAMES!
boy: *nods dramatically*
me: *is lame* But I really wanna see this educational film!
him: *picks me up*
me: hey!
corner: *we're in*

So we're in the corner setting up the pokemon board game and the shit subsitute comes over and is like,

shit-subsitute: No pokemon games! Against the rules!
me: Oh, this isn't pokemon.
boy: Nope. It's this other thing.
me: *notices how the mudkipp is really freaking distorted*
shit-subsitute: oh, okay! I see! It doesn't say "pokemon" in the copyright!
me: *yes it does*
shit-subsitute: *walks away*
me: HEY, NOAH! You should come play with us.

And Noah Ringer's a loner* in my dream, because that was what my subconscious decided, and he's still rockin' his arrow, because he's just a badass, and he's got these fucking huge/awesome headphones, because he's just a badass. Anyway, he comes over and sits with us and we introduce ourselves and then I'm like,

me: I am a huge fan~!
friends: *make fun of me*
me: I mean... I know it hasn't come out yet or anything, but... I love your work.
friends: *make fun of me*
me: ...in the trailers. I've seen them all.
Noah: *is super cool badass aang famous* *shoots air out of fingertips like a boss*

THE END! :D

Last time I showered: Yesterday?
Shippuden: 13, still. I'm stupid, and had to watch all of Hetalia. Which I did.
Last Google search: "Geriatrophile". Not explaining.

*Mild Chip's challenge reference?
*Japan.

I'm way more afraid of people caring about me more than I care about them than I am of visa-versa. I'd rather be in the shoes of the broken than the shoes of the breaker. Maybe that makes me selfless and caring, or maybe it just makes me emotionally masochistic.

It doesn't matter what I am. I'm done being an enigma. I'm just a person.

MORE about stalking!

The minute I feel myself developing actual feelings for a stalkee, I tone it down considerably. The fleeting high I get from following around (whether it be online or off) those I revere would not be worth the crushing guilt I’d feel if I was found out and put down. Those that I stalk, I all-but-wish for them to find out. I often leave it wide in the open, a creepy testament to the pedestal I’ve placed them on. They know, and sometimes they don't appreciate it, but I shrug it off. It does nothing but amuse me anymore. I'm immune, as long as I'm not personally invested.

Completely unrelated, but I just saw Love, Actually. It was the most amazing movie I've seen in quite a while. I think it goes without saying that my favorite pairing was the Prime Minister and his "Catering Manager", since I have an unorthodox preference for a story involving older men with younger women. Also, Hugh Grant is fucking sexy, and the most hilarious thing ever in that movie ("...Did you ever have this kind of problem? Yeah --- of course you did, you saucy minx.")... I want a Prime-Minister-type-character in my life.

OH, what's that, I already have one? Too fucking bad he's already got a serious girlfriend and they're both too awesome to mess with. FFFfffffftt.

Funny, how this post has come a complete circle, eh?

Days left until Austin: 12
Last time I showered: Yesterday... afternoon? I've been showering disgustingly often lately...
Where I'm at in Naruto: Oh God, I'm moving embarrassingly slowly. I'm in the middle of 188. These fillers are almost worse than the opening episodes...
Nail color: "Tutti Frutti Tonga," OPI

It's been a while

...since I've blogged.

Last night I had a dream that there was a J.K. Rowling Pizza at Papa Johns, and you couldn't kiss anyone who didn't eat the same pizza because then the tastes would mingle and that would be blasphemous.

Also in my dream, my mom was getting ready to sell our place. She was like,
"Is there anything in this room that you'd like to keep?" I looked around at the dirt floor of the dark trailer.
"Well, there is one thing that's pretty cute," I said, in a hushed voice, referring to one of my stalkees that had shown up to bid me farewell.

...That really wasn't that interesting. Just incessantly creepy. I think I've been dreaming about my stalkees because I spend so much time stalking now that I have a car. Like, yesterday, my friend came over and all we did was go to walmart and then stalk our respective stalkees. Could I use the word stalk anymore? Yes. Stalk.

About a week prior, another one of my friends and I spent an entire day stalking. AN ENTIRE DAY. Crazy fun. I'm a psycho.

...So I realized that I'm really lacking in the pokemon department. It's been years since I've played Gold (my game broke), so I pretty much forgot all of the second generation pokemon. This makes me really sad. I hate forgetting things that once brought me joy. Hence why I once spent hours with Mallory writing out all of our inside jokes on an index card. I had only known her for a few months, but we had enough to fill both sides. Jokes included, "booby pins!", "Geometrial", and "WHEEZE! LUNGS GONNA BLOW UP!"

Those inside jokes aren't even really that inside, if you know what I'm saying.

...Now that I have wifi, I have a feeling that I'm going to be spending A LOT of time not-getting-out-of-bed.

Days left until Austin: 17
Last time I showered: Sometime yesterday?
Where I’m at in Naruto: ONBUUUU! (185)
Nail color: “Flirt,” Sally Hansen*

*I hate this color on my fingers. It's kind of a blood purple (the picture doesn't bring out the color too well). I only bought it to bring out my inner Orochimaru. Which reminds me...

Today, I ate:

9:30am: two pieces of toast, buttered, apple, tea

11:00am: two vegetarian sausages, grape juice

12:45pm: half of a (large) bag of lays potato chips

3:00pm: two and a half large shortbread cookies, buttered

4:00pm: half of an avocado and feta sandwich from Revelations, pickle, chips

6:30pm: apple

7:15pm: two pieces of toast, buttered with honey, tea, three different vitamins

...who needs regular meal times, anyway?

...ALSO, I JUST GOT ONE OF THESE: http://www.formspring.me/hijklmichelle

You can now ask me anonymous questions. Or just talk to me. Anonymously. If you want. And stuff.

...

It was only when she realized that she was gnawing on her own flesh that she wondered if she should start being more active in the world.