Don't eat at the pool

Today, I decided to eat an avocado on the way to the pool. Geared with the proper swimming (bathing suit, towel) and avocado eating tools (avocado, steak knife), I headed out.

Everything was fine. There were a lot of little kids swimming today.

As I decided to leave (a mixture of ohmygodsobright and gottawatcharresteddevelopment), I realized how suspicious carrying a knife from the pool, sans avocado, looked. I began to get mildly flustered. As I fiddled with the key to let myself out of the gate, my bathing suit top chose that moment to come undone, forcing me to grab at the strands with the hand unoccupied by the lock--the one holding the knife. As a result, I dropped the steak knife. It clattered.

"Shit," I whispered to myself. I imagined dozens of curious children and their chaperones looking over at my peculiar scene. But, like all terrible situations, it ended---the lock finally opened, I tied my bathing suit, I picked up the conspicuous steak knife, and I went on my merry way.

Three-quarters of the way home, I ran into an old lady.

"Are you wearing sunblock, child?" She asked, skeptically.

"No... that's why I'm going home now!" I invented, hoping to sound cheerful.

"Well, good. Didn't have sunblock around when I was a kid, and now I've got all these spots!" She held up her arm. I looked down at my own freckles.

"Aah," I managed.

And that's when she noticed the knife I had vainly tried to conceal in my shirt.

...no, I'm just kidding. She didn't. But seriously, guys, do NOT bring knives to the pool. It will make you feel really awkward.

Something eventful: Yesterday I caught a fruit fly. With my left eye.
Wisdom of the Day: Don't create a wisdom of the day segment.
Shippuden: 83... still.
Recent Google Searches Includes: ”Why am I producing so much snot”. Seriously, though, why?!!

Everything is telling me to quit

HERE'S A PICTURE OF A JEALOUS WORM



Something eventful: uh........... I had ravioli for dinner.
Wisdom of the Day: I don't know. Eat a fortune cookie.
Shippuden: 83!! DAMN I NEED TO KEEP WATCHING
Recent Google Searches Includes: "Human Centipede". I really don't remember searching for that.

Everyone uses the door metaphor

Everyone uses the door metaphor. You know the one I'm talking about---One door closes, another one opens. There's a reason they use it, because it always happens. One of life's wonderful cliches.

But in my life, right now, it's like one moderately clean window was shut and then someone took a fucking wrecking ball to my entire house.

And I mean that in the best possible way.

What my nails look like now
What I feel like now
Shippuden: 80~! I haven't watched in days, though...
Recent Google Searches include: "Dildoes", "Lumpy Space Princess", "Sokka", and "Lactating fingers".

There it is:

That hunger feeling. The one where I'm hungry to the point where my Stomach folds over, trying to delude himself that he's actually full. Hunger to the point of nauseousness, like the way you can be cold to the point of hot. I think, in that case, it's the body's way of defending against extreme temperature. Your cells are saying, "I can't take this. Maybe if we tell the Brain that we're really warm, then he'll fall for it and we'll BECOME warm!" It's called the placebo effect. The mind had that kind of power.

But it's a little worse for hunger---After some complaining, the Stomach takes note of the fact that he's still yet to be fed and so he convinces himself that he doesn't want food anyway. The Stomach is a petulant child.

Perception

Perspective.
It's all about perspective.
People, I mean.

I judge people. I don't mean to, really.
I'm a naturally perceptive person. That sounds like an excuse, but it's not meant to be. I just find it easy to see people. Predict their actions. Reading people is like second nature to me.

Maybe that's why my head feels so fucked with. When you're not given all the basics of the material, there's no way that you be correct.

It's not like it should matter. I know it shouldn't, I do: the reason for the Shift is so trivial.

Regardless, the Shift has happened, and I still can't properly wrap my head around the fact that there was a shift at all. I can't shake the image of what I was so positively sure that I knew. I can't shake the fact that I was so completely and entirely wrong, because I still want to cling to what I thought I knew. It was warm, and reassuring, and overwhelmingly benevolent.

But this one, tiny, insignificant puzzle piece changes the picture entirely.

Here's something that I've known all along:

Nobody is the same in everyone's mind. To every single person, the material that they've been given makes up who they see you as. You are someone different to everyone.

Even going into everything knowing that, it's hard for me to realize there are so many more levels to people than I see.

I'm not living in a storybook world. These characters aren't characters: They're people. They can't be defined by certain traits or always be expected to act the same way. Real people are inconsistent, each with their own pounds of emotional baggage and multiple dimensions.

I am way, way over my head, and this is no longer an ocean I want to swim in.

SO I MET NOAH RINGER...

...in my dream last night (ooh, bummer*, not real).

LET ME TELL YOU THE STORY! Yes!

So I was back in high school, and we were all watching this movie because we had a substitute, right? And my friend Erich comes over with his friend to the desk I was sitting on top of, and he was like,

him: Let's go play POKEMON BORED GAMES!
boy: *nods dramatically*
me: *is lame* But I really wanna see this educational film!
him: *picks me up*
me: hey!
corner: *we're in*

So we're in the corner setting up the pokemon board game and the shit subsitute comes over and is like,

shit-subsitute: No pokemon games! Against the rules!
me: Oh, this isn't pokemon.
boy: Nope. It's this other thing.
me: *notices how the mudkipp is really freaking distorted*
shit-subsitute: oh, okay! I see! It doesn't say "pokemon" in the copyright!
me: *yes it does*
shit-subsitute: *walks away*
me: HEY, NOAH! You should come play with us.

And Noah Ringer's a loner* in my dream, because that was what my subconscious decided, and he's still rockin' his arrow, because he's just a badass, and he's got these fucking huge/awesome headphones, because he's just a badass. Anyway, he comes over and sits with us and we introduce ourselves and then I'm like,

me: I am a huge fan~!
friends: *make fun of me*
me: I mean... I know it hasn't come out yet or anything, but... I love your work.
friends: *make fun of me*
me: ...in the trailers. I've seen them all.
Noah: *is super cool badass aang famous* *shoots air out of fingertips like a boss*

THE END! :D

Last time I showered: Yesterday?
Shippuden: 13, still. I'm stupid, and had to watch all of Hetalia. Which I did.
Last Google search: "Geriatrophile". Not explaining.

*Mild Chip's challenge reference?
*Japan.

I'm way more afraid of people caring about me more than I care about them than I am of visa-versa. I'd rather be in the shoes of the broken than the shoes of the breaker. Maybe that makes me selfless and caring, or maybe it just makes me emotionally masochistic.

It doesn't matter what I am. I'm done being an enigma. I'm just a person.