I am five years old

I feel like I've been regressing back into childhood. I will create a list for you, to prove it:

• I made macaroni art last week
• Two days ago I spent an hour with a slip 'n slide
• My favorite show is Avatar
• My second favorite show is Adventure Time
• I just went to a graduation party where I spent the majority of my time fishing bugs out of the pool with a spoon like an autistic child
• I wore a pokemon t-shirt today
• I still play neopets regularly
• For my eighteenth birthday, I asked for Naruto merchandise
• I freak out that I have unusual diseases (e.g. foot cancer) whenever I discover a bruise or a sore part of my body
• I laugh at any sort of dumb joke, because I find them all hilarious
• The other day I covered my face with watercolors and then wiped it off on paper just to make art
• I still get a kick out of putting glue all over my hands
• I have a LOT of crayons and coloring books and play-doh
• I never wear shoes, if I can help it
• I never wear actual pants, if I can help it
• I like dressing up cats in build-a-bear clothes
• I currently have as much money as you'd expect a five year old to have
• My current favorite possession is this rubber band I found on the floor that takes the shape of a buffalo if you don't stretch it

...I could continue, but I really want to go eat ice cream like the rest of my friends right now.

Don't eat at the pool

Today, I decided to eat an avocado on the way to the pool. Geared with the proper swimming (bathing suit, towel) and avocado eating tools (avocado, steak knife), I headed out.

Everything was fine. There were a lot of little kids swimming today.

As I decided to leave (a mixture of ohmygodsobright and gottawatcharresteddevelopment), I realized how suspicious carrying a knife from the pool, sans avocado, looked. I began to get mildly flustered. As I fiddled with the key to let myself out of the gate, my bathing suit top chose that moment to come undone, forcing me to grab at the strands with the hand unoccupied by the lock--the one holding the knife. As a result, I dropped the steak knife. It clattered.

"Shit," I whispered to myself. I imagined dozens of curious children and their chaperones looking over at my peculiar scene. But, like all terrible situations, it ended---the lock finally opened, I tied my bathing suit, I picked up the conspicuous steak knife, and I went on my merry way.

Three-quarters of the way home, I ran into an old lady.

"Are you wearing sunblock, child?" She asked, skeptically.

"No... that's why I'm going home now!" I invented, hoping to sound cheerful.

"Well, good. Didn't have sunblock around when I was a kid, and now I've got all these spots!" She held up her arm. I looked down at my own freckles.

"Aah," I managed.

And that's when she noticed the knife I had vainly tried to conceal in my shirt.

...no, I'm just kidding. She didn't. But seriously, guys, do NOT bring knives to the pool. It will make you feel really awkward.

Something eventful: Yesterday I caught a fruit fly. With my left eye.
Wisdom of the Day: Don't create a wisdom of the day segment.
Shippuden: 83... still.
Recent Google Searches Includes: ”Why am I producing so much snot”. Seriously, though, why?!!

Everything is telling me to quit

HERE'S A PICTURE OF A JEALOUS WORM



Something eventful: uh........... I had ravioli for dinner.
Wisdom of the Day: I don't know. Eat a fortune cookie.
Shippuden: 83!! DAMN I NEED TO KEEP WATCHING
Recent Google Searches Includes: "Human Centipede". I really don't remember searching for that.

Everyone uses the door metaphor

Everyone uses the door metaphor. You know the one I'm talking about---One door closes, another one opens. There's a reason they use it, because it always happens. One of life's wonderful cliches.

But in my life, right now, it's like one moderately clean window was shut and then someone took a fucking wrecking ball to my entire house.

And I mean that in the best possible way.

What my nails look like now
What I feel like now
Shippuden: 80~! I haven't watched in days, though...
Recent Google Searches include: "Dildoes", "Lumpy Space Princess", "Sokka", and "Lactating fingers".

There it is:

That hunger feeling. The one where I'm hungry to the point where my Stomach folds over, trying to delude himself that he's actually full. Hunger to the point of nauseousness, like the way you can be cold to the point of hot. I think, in that case, it's the body's way of defending against extreme temperature. Your cells are saying, "I can't take this. Maybe if we tell the Brain that we're really warm, then he'll fall for it and we'll BECOME warm!" It's called the placebo effect. The mind had that kind of power.

But it's a little worse for hunger---After some complaining, the Stomach takes note of the fact that he's still yet to be fed and so he convinces himself that he doesn't want food anyway. The Stomach is a petulant child.