hey! hey! LISTEN! hey!

News

2011-05-03T08:07:00.003-05:00

As of late, I have felt a strong desire to expand my intelligence and become more informed about the ongoings of our world. Naturally, this means I have been doing a little bit of research on Osama Bin Laden. I've compiled a list of facts I found interesting.

It is said that he has married four women, the first of whom he married at 17. By 2002, he is said to have somewhere between 12 and 26 children.
He wrote poetry in college
He rejects "chilled water"
His father was killed in a plane crash, when an american pilot misjudged the landing
He was described as soft-spoken and mild mannered in demeanor

It appears to me that the reason for his acts of terrorism are linked to the death of his father, but his main logical reasoning, apparently, was the belief that the world should be placed under the Sharia law--the code of conduct of the Islam religion.

Sharia law, though incredibly strict, actually holds up well to my own ideals. Alcohol and gambling is forbidden, as is eating animals that weren't properly slaughtered (ripping out the esophagus or using a blunt blade, for example, would lead the animal to a cruel death and thereby render it impure for consumption); maintaining proper hygiene on all levels is crucial, things of that nature. However, they are incredibly strict on proper dress and sexuality (both in terms of their view on homosexuality and their view on fornication). I believe we--as an american culture--should have more digression about who we have sex with (i.e. you should actually know and like the people you're having sex with), but I don't believe in strictly marital sex.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to get at with all of this is that Osama isn't a particularly bad guy--he's just doing what he thinks is right: "purifying the world", in a sense, of all the things he sees wrong with it (the american culture and democracy, for instance)... Yes, he's incredibly mislead--the Sharia doesn't really have anything in it about the ethics of murdering other people, and he couldn't really figure out on his own that it's unethical--but I'm not fond of the whole, "justice is served" attitude. Yeah, this guy was killed--but that can't really make up for what he did. We make up for what he did by coming together and resolving the problems he caused within our own boundaries--with love and acceptance and kindness and working together to heal our own country, not by going out and occupying foreign territory and hunting terrorists.

...And for the record, the government never made the official decision to murder Bin Laden. He was shot in the crossfire (in the head) during the ambush. Obama called Pakistan prior to the event to let them know he was going to be arriving to assist in the capture Bin Laden--whereupon he would make the decision of whether to take him into custody or put him down... but he was dead when he arrived.

Something I also found nice: they gave him a proper funeral, in the ocean--attempting to keep it in align with his islamic tradition.

April 4th

2011-04-04T09:08:00.004-05:00

"He used often to say there was only one Road; that it was like a great river: its springs were at every doorstep, and every path was its tributary."

It occurs to me how much of myself I place in my writing. In fact, this is so true that I'm certain (if I were a mass murderer) I would've created dozens of horcruxes by now, in the form of blog posts or journals or essays or facebook status updates.

And it occurs to me how much of myself I miss when I don't write... The horcrux analogy wasn't a perfect metaphor, because it's not really that I'm loosing parts of my soul: it's that I'm discovering and then displaying them.

I'm going to re-open this door, and follow the path it takes me to--before I lose myself in the idleness I have succumbed to in these past few days.

I'm not promising every-day, but that's what I'm shooting for. Just a little quip, maybe some thoughts from my day, to prove to myself that I think about a wide variety of things.

Here is something you probably know about me: I thirst for adventure. I feel confined, trapped while I'm still in school, but I am perhaps only trapped by my trepidation as I am unsure how to go out into the world. I am unsure where to go, or how to be out there, alone--I don't know how to book a hotel or if I'd be okay sleeping outside or if I'd get myself into dangerous, life-threatening situations. But I would still like to leave, to go out into the world and see what it's like. I tell myself that if I wasn't in school or if I had enough money, then I'd undoubtedly do it--but would I? Do I really need the security of money? Is there any way I could do it without? Perhaps I could live in an ashram in India--but the thought of something that unknown terrifies me. What if they don't speak english? What if I can't communicate with anybody? What if I'm freaking out unnecessarily, here?

I guess... it just comes down to me taking that first step out of my door, the way Bilbo talked about. I just have to follow that road. I will wait for what seems like the opportune moment, or, if it hasn't arrived by the summer--say, july--I will force it into existence.

Today, I: Woke up, read some, sat around thinking about my life, wrote a little, wrote a blog... am planning on going camping later with a bunch of people I don't really know. But first things first: breakfast with my mom and walking (or bike-riding?) into town to buy a present for one of the people I don't really know that I'm camping with.

I love: The dynamism of stillness and strong wind; pre-storm weather; storms; clouds, sunlight, green grass and new clover; the thought of adventure; the thought of returning to Austin for a few days; the contents of my wardrobe; the people close to me; feeling as though I've got my feet on solid ground; feeling as though nothing can affect me negatively (something that happens very sparingly)...

I want: Adventure. Constantly flowing change, growth, to feel as though I'm living my life to the fullest extent. Experiences. To never say "no" if someone asks something of me, provided it will not put my body in harm. To chase after spirituality and to learn to fully open my heart and mind to others. Breakfast.

2011-02-22T08:12:00.004-06:00

All you really have to do in life... is love each other.

It sounds cheesy. By all means, it is cheesy. But when you think about it, that's the only thing that really matters in life. When you look upon the past, you don't remember your insecurities, or what you chose to wear, or if you got Starbucks that day or not--you remember the important people in your life, and how you treated them. And if it's with love and kindness, then you will lend yourself to incredible growth.

Here, just watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0X6q7nt15uk

I do a lot of complaining.

2010-12-26T14:54:00.003-06:00

I know. I suck, right? Nobody wants to be friends with someone who just sits around and complains. Look, now I'm even complaining about the fact that I complain so much.

But in all Honesty, I've had to go through a lot of shit lately--and complaining is one way for me to get over it. However... I understand that it's most certainly not the best way, and that I've been dragging a lot of people down.

So I hereby (officially, on-the-internet) state that I will stop complaining. Forever.

...Or try to, at least, because that'd be impossible. Seriously, can you imagine?

...Wait, did that count as complaining?

Today, I: Made a collage using all the magazines I stole from my dorm's phone room. It's okay, I deserved them.

I love: My friends. ALL my friends. And art studios, messy hairstyles, silver necklaces, knitted clothing, the salt lamp I got for christmas, puzzles, horses, victorian england, france (and french), nerdy guys, KITTIES, the asian girl who left five pairs of adorable-and-perfectly-fitting-shorts in the laundry room's "free" box, Avocados, Harry Potter (as always), marigolds (even though mine are dying because they don't get enough sun), Krishna, Hercules (the disney movie), A LOT MORE THINGS :D

I must: go to Church. For some reason, for the past few days, I've been plagued by the desire to go by myself to a random church in town during a sermon. I've always sort of hated the organized christian religion so I don't really understand the desire... but I am definitely going to go if I still feel this way next Sunday.

Last Google Search: "how to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you"

No, it's not creepy.

2010-10-06T22:40:00.002-05:00

I don't think there's anything you could do that I would find creepy.

...that goes for a lot of people, though (unless they're middle-aged men). It's probably because I'm inherently creepy myself. Hence posting a blog in reply to a text.

...Actually, that was because I can't send texts anymore. My service provider is mad that I'm poor and can't pay for cell phone service. I can still receive texts, though.

But yeah, I really haven't been keeping up with the internet lately: facebook, twitter, youtube, my internet-based-job... but my blog has been especially neglected.

Blogs are always born through stories I think up during pockets of boredom. I've had so much going on recently that I haven't bothered to keep up with it... Though, now that I think about it, when I get it back I could definitely put up a comic I made for class yesterday entitled "the adventures of Puddle Walrus". It's about a walrus that's also a puddle. He can fly.

Zooooooooooo...m.

2010-08-10T14:11:00.007-05:00

ZOOM!! REMEMBER THAT SHOW? IT USED TO COME ON BEFORE ARTHUR AND THEY'D DO ALL THESE NEAT PROJECTS AND STUFF.

Anyway, I WENT TO THE ZOO

AND TOOK ALL OF THESE PICTURES

and I have nothing to do with the ones that didn't make the stop motion cut, so... here, have a look:

Check out the eyes on those goats... they're totally like Naruto's sage eyes but blue. BAM. And no, my Naruto contact hasn't come in the mail yet. Sad. : (

Today, I: will eat tacos later, maybe.

I love: GOAT EYES!!! (creepy) Also, terrible Hugh Grant movies. And cake. And Buffy, the show. And Buffy, the character. And Spike. And cookies. And SHUT UP MICHELLE

Recent google searches: lots and lots and lots of camera stuff.

COLLEGE IN: 13 days holy son of a MOTHER

P.S. SARAH LYNCH THIS POST IS FOR YOU

the Quetzal

2010-08-03T23:46:00.011-05:00

When I was younger, I used to be obsessed with many, many different things*, among which was a bird called the "Quetzal". They look something like this:

But as a six year old, I was under the impression that they were more like this:

I did countless projects on the Quetzal. Many, many of my hours were dedicated to filling powerpoints with pictures of the Quetzal** and learning their native habitats so that one day I, too, could live in the rainforest and own a Quetzal. My love for the Quetzal must've been hereditary; my mother is an avid birdwatcher, something which I often poke fun of her at for ("I saw fifty-two species of birds today!", she will say, while I trade a sardonic glance with my sister).

...This story really doesn't have a funny ending. I just really liked the Quetzal. They're pretty fucking awesome looking birds... I'll show you a real picture!! Maybe I'll even make you a powerpoint later.

(I don't know what's with the scarf on the left. Just ignore it.)

Today, I: Went to a dinner party. That's really about it... OH, I also learned that all the kitchen sinks in our building will have it's water shut off pretty much indefinitely, so we'll have to wash our dishes in the bathroom and fill the water pitcher from the bathtub. Ahh, ghetto life. xD

I love: Really, the only thing that comes to my mind is pretty creepy, so I'm just not going to say it and you can all be deluded into thinking that I'm sane.

Recent google searches: "Kanye West diamond teeth", "literal total eclipse of the heart", "quetzal", "pokemon leaf green rom" (ohhh yeahhh, pokemon games and the quetzal. That's childhood right there).

On a side note: for anyone who was paying attention, I suddenly realized that BEDA would be a bad idea for many reasons. I'm not quitting because I'm lazy, though, and that's what really mattered here.

*nothing has changed...

**The same goes for the Ocelot and Pomeranians.

Love, maybe. Probably not.

2010-08-02T21:12:00.012-05:00

I'm about to get really serious and personal. I'll try to offset it with images, because I know that hardly anyone is particularly interested in what I'm about to say.

The other day, I was asked if I had "ever been loved someone". Apart from making fun of the question asker (and being slightly unsure of what he was actually asking), I answered: yes, I believe that I have; regardless of whether or not he meant if I'd loved or been loved.

It was a cheeky answer, because I purposefully misinterpreted it. Almost everyone has loved, at some point or another, whether it be their parents or friends or pets or something as simple as an article of clothing. But the real question was whether or not I'd been in love, with reciprocated feelings.

...To which I've got an exponentially longer answer.

The gist of it: I don't actually know.

There's no way I could answer for the boys in question, so I'll just go ahead and skip that part.

As for myself, there are times in which I say, "definitely, yes", but I'm really not experienced enough in that field to justify myself. I have, however, felt a pull so strong that I've devoted months of my life to it. I've cared so much for a guy that I would've been there for him no matter what. I've even smiled too much to keep kissing properly, and sometimes I feel like that's about as in love as it gets.

But I also know that love comes with the kind of vulnerability that causes heartbreak. In the closest I've felt to love, I didn't give enough of myself away to really feel the loss--and how could I have been in love if I didn't even care enough to cry when it was over?

So... after that, I suppose I think my answer is no. But really, I'm more than happy just sitting here squeezing the juice out of this aloe vera plant for the time being. It's very entertaining.

Today, I: Looked at fish, painted the hell out of a wall... ate a sandwich... almost contracted cancer... the normal stuff.

I LOVE: fat and long bunnies...

College in: WHAT A STUPID SECTION

Recent google searches includes: "kitten in mouth japanese girl"

p.s. I've really got to stop talking about such personal things on the internet. The last time I did this, it ended very badly and I'm still terribly embarrassed about it.

Evil Dust Bunny of Whimsy

2010-08-01T00:00:00.012-05:00

One of the main reasons why I like to blog is because I feel like it's easier for me to define myself here, in my writing, than it is for me to do so by ambling around spewing thoughts all day. Writing allows me to catalog my personality. Essentially, it helps my mind evolve from a colorful dust-bunny of whimsy to an easily readable list.

The only problem with this, however, is the way I try to define myself isn't always me (see: easygoing and productive). I try, to the best of my abilities, to say what I truly feel... However, people aren't constant, and I'm a prime example of that. One day I'll feel one way, and the next I'll think something completely opposite. It's one of the reasons why I always have the worst relationships.

I think I'm getting better, though; I'm trying not to try to be anything. Just an open effort to be fully myself. Well... minus all the creepiness. I have to make a conscious effort to keep that on the DL.

I think I'm getting better at it, too! I almost appear completely sane to people that have never met me before.

∫: lol, that came up when I tried to bold.

College in: 21 days, I think? Or maybe it's 19. Anyone know when classes start? :s

Today, I: Ordered THREE THINGS online!! And read my SLR camera's entire manual. And drove to Ottumwa to go shopping for dorm sheets. I AM SUPER PRODUCTIVE TODAY LIKE x3!!

I LOVE: MIKA, again. Listening to his albums on repeat. He's addictive, like sugar and candy and hot french men and yaoi. Which he essentially embodies, except technically he's lebanese...

Recent google searches: ALL of them are about Naruto. Seriously... all of them.

POS-NEGS

2010-07-25T21:44:00.005-05:00

There are like, ten million Naruto Shippuuden spoilers at the end of this. Just a warning.

Things I love and/or would marry immediately upon having the choice:

1. Naruto Uzumaki

2. Guacamole

3. Flint, from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

4. James Marsters' cheek bones

5. Organic raisins

6. 505, by the Arctic Monkeys

7. Barbie movies / disgustingly girly Anime

8. The black lady's voice in the Let it Be cover from Across the Universe

9. Tamaki Suoh

10. Tamaki Suoh's money

11. Just kidding about the last one

12. But it would be nice

13. I could have unlimited guacamole or maybe James Marsters' cheek bones

14. Just kidding I wouldn't want them on my face

15. I wouldn't mind licking them on someone else's, though

16. That was really creepy..

17. Stop writing in list format, Michelle

18. Okay

Things that perturb me:

1. Having to DO things

2. The fact that fireflies just look like ordinary bugs when you catch them

3. Websites from the nineties (you know, black background, flashy graphics, cyan text)

4. The fact that tomatoes are a fruit and everyone begrudgingly recognizes this, but avocados are also a fruit and nobody ever thinks about them

5. Over-cooked squash

COLLEGE: oh, who cares?

SHIPPUUDEN: 156 YEAH PROGRESSION

Did you cry?: When Naruto and Tsunade found out about Jiraiya

Google Searches: "naruto", "sage naruto", "Minato", "KAKASHI DIES?!!!"

In regards to the last: I don't believe it. It's not possible. He would never die. I think somebody made it up. Somebody who is obviously not Masashi Kishimoto (yes, I did have to look up his name because I could never be expected to remember something that complex).

And in regards to that: IF YOU KNOW DO NOT TELL ME I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT

DROOLING

2010-07-23T20:37:00.004-05:00

I HAVE NO IDEA HOW HE CAN BE SIMULTANEOUSLY SO RIDICULOUS LOOKING AND HOT.

...I clearly have nothing to do.

So I found all of these Barbie movies in my building, neatly stacked away in a box that belongs to my neighbors. I figure nobody will notice if I take them out one at a time and watch them, right? Is it weird that I want to watch them? Because I sincerely do. I mean, I'm eighteen years old. I should be watching porn or something. But no, I just want to watch Barbie movies and look at pictures of James Marsters. Which is kind of like porn, I guess, except he's fully clothed. Or at least wearing pants, or something.

I probably have to stop talking about porn and start writing smart-people-things, now that I'm kind of working for my school's online paper. If important college people happen to visit my blog to see what kind of person I am, they'll be sorely disappointed. And also disturbed. And also bored, because important college people don't like weird girls and talk of porn. Unless they do, secretly, and live very silent lives because they're forced to keep all hush hush about the things they love. Like me. And porn.

...God, I need to make some friends or something.

COLLEGE: 28 days, I think?

Shippuuden: 145, I suck

Exciting: AVATAR: THE LEGEND OF KORRA IS OFFICIAL

Google searches: "james marsters", some unimportant things, why did I google "entourage"..?

P.S. IF YOU READ THIS YOU HAVE TO COMMENT NO MATTER WHAT OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN FOR BEING A CREEPY BLOG-VOYEUR.

DOOOOO IT

please.

Okay, I'll admit that I suck

2010-07-18T21:10:00.008-05:00

I have no idea why, but I've been super sucky at everything lately.
I tried this photo project I've been thinking about recently, and it totally blew up in my face. Obviously not literally, because then I would've just taken artsy shots of my face covered in paint, but let me show you what I'm talking about:

It was a pretty cool idea, right? Cover a window with designs and then use the light from outside to illuminate it. I even painted a dinosaur so I could pretend there was a giant two-dimentional monster rampaging around in the field across from my frat*. The idea had so much potential, when it still lived in my head.

But when I let it out, I found the quality of the pictures to be supremely disappointing. I couldn't seem to do my idea justice. The only picture from the whole scenario that I deemed worthy of my flickr page was one I took on a whim during clean up; just a bunch of painty paper towels. Did you know "painty" is a real word? Because I had no idea until just now.

Also, lately I've been all socially retarded. I'd like to think of myself as outgoing--I frequently go out and do abnormal things like sneaking around fancy hotels or having noodle-fights in wal-mart. Shy people don't have noodle fights in public places, right?

But seriously, I've even lost my ability to have a proper "I'm-actually-paying-attention-to-the-words-you-are-saying" conversation. I just kind of look at the person talking and blink a lot. Sometimes I laugh when everyone else does or even say, "Yeah!" as I spill my water everywhere. I frequently take pride in the fact that I'm a fantastic conversationalist, especially if we don't know each other well. There are so many things to talk about with people who don't know every fibre of your being.

I don't know what's going on with my motor skills, but from now on I'm going to force myself into social situations until I snap out of it.

And also carry around my camera until I start getting better again.

I dunno. Maybe I just have to adjust to being back in Fairfield again. Or go out and get drunk.

Haha.

Not really.

...

I AM GOING TO COLLEGE IN: some days
SHIPPUUDEN: 144 OH YEAH BABY

I NEED: to stop being socially retarded. Also, an xD card reader. And ramen.
Recent Google Searches include: boring stuff

*Have I ever mentioned that I live in a frat? Because I do.

I lied, it's not epic.

2010-06-17T10:39:00.003-05:00

I had this really epic dream last night...

I was driving aimlessly (which was cool--I'm never allowed to drive here), and I ended up downtown where I promptly ran out of gas so I shrunk my car and carried it around with me in search of a gas station. I asked this man inside a book store, but he took me to this really weird place where he tried to rape and/or kill me (I think I've been watching too much Buffy)... he failed, but only just, so I ran away and found these mexicans to ask but before I could get my gas I WOKE UP which makes me upset because I never got to finish my dream.

Just like yesterday, when I had a dream about serving myself breakfast tacos in a large hotel room and I NEVER GOT TO EAT MY BREAKFAST TACO... BAHHH. You can see I have qualms with my slumberous state.

I also have qualms with the fact that "slumberous" is actually a word.

I just found a tiny rock in my hair...

Thinking about: How people can enter and exit your life so easily.
Shippuden: 93 and PISSY because my friend Erich is like, fifty-million-and-four episodes ahead of me, and he only started watching when I told him to last march.
Recent Google Searches Includes: "Orochimama". Possibly the best nickname for him, ever.

It's 2:34 am

2010-06-09T02:34:00.001-05:00

It's 2:34 am. I'm making a pumpkin pie.

Yes, I am aware that it is the middle of june (rendering my pie un-seasonal), and I'm also aware of the fact that the pie crust expired last February, and of COURSE I'm aware that there is a stream of billowing smoke coming from the stovetop.

It's weird... you'd think that it'd come out of the seemingly vent-looking slits on the top of the oven, but, no, the smoke comes out of the four burners and twists together in the middle. It looks like the whole oven is burning.

I don't think I know how to make pies...

Quote from today: "Which pie tin are you gonna use? 'Cause this one had a pie in it and this one had a tarantula."

Times I thought this pie was going to kill me: 2

Shippuuden: 83. ALTHOUGH... I have been playing a lot of Naruto: Clash of Ninja Revolution. Seriously, that game is a workout. Especially if you play it for four hours, like I did yesterday (in my defense, I was at my friend Erich's house for three of those four hours, so I wasn't being a TOTALLY secluded loser).

Recent google searches includes: "expired pie crust", "expired pillsbury pie crust", "ZOBOOMAFOO", "senbon", "buy IMAX The Last Airbender"

I am five years old

2010-05-30T20:24:00.000-05:00

I feel like I've been regressing back into childhood. I will create a list for you, to prove it:

I made macaroni art last week
Two days ago I spent an hour with a slip 'n slide
My favorite show is Avatar
My second favorite show is Adventure Time
I just went to a graduation party where I spent the majority of my time fishing bugs out of the pool with a spoon like an autistic child
I wore a pokemon t-shirt today
I still play neopets regularly
For my eighteenth birthday, I asked for Naruto merchandise
I freak out that I have unusual diseases (e.g. foot cancer) whenever I discover a bruise or a sore part of my body
I laugh at any sort of dumb joke, because I find them all hilarious
The other day I covered my face with watercolors and then wiped it off on paper just to make art
I still get a kick out of putting glue all over my hands
I have a LOT of crayons and coloring books and play-doh
I never wear shoes, if I can help it
I never wear actual pants, if I can help it
I like dressing up cats in build-a-bear clothes
I currently have as much money as you'd expect a five year old to have
My current favorite possession is this rubber band I found on the floor that takes the shape of a buffalo if you don't stretch it

...I could continue, but I really want to go eat ice cream like the rest of my friends right now.

Don't eat at the pool

2010-05-27T10:47:00.000-05:00

Today, I decided to eat an avocado on the way to the pool. Geared with the proper swimming (bathing suit, towel) and avocado eating tools (avocado, steak knife), I headed out.

Everything was fine. There were a lot of little kids swimming today.

As I decided to leave (a mixture of ohmygodsobright and gottawatcharresteddevelopment), I realized how suspicious carrying a knife from the pool, sans avocado, looked. I began to get mildly flustered. As I fiddled with the key to let myself out of the gate, my bathing suit top chose that moment to come undone, forcing me to grab at the strands with the hand unoccupied by the lock--the one holding the knife. As a result, I dropped the steak knife. It clattered.

"Shit," I whispered to myself. I imagined dozens of curious children and their chaperones looking over at my peculiar scene. But, like all terrible situations, it ended---the lock finally opened, I tied my bathing suit, I picked up the conspicuous steak knife, and I went on my merry way.

Three-quarters of the way home, I ran into an old lady.

"Are you wearing sunblock, child?" She asked, skeptically.

"No... that's why I'm going home now!" I invented, hoping to sound cheerful.

"Well, good. Didn't have sunblock around when I was a kid, and now I've got all these spots!" She held up her arm. I looked down at my own freckles.

"Aah," I managed.

And that's when she noticed the knife I had vainly tried to conceal in my shirt.

...no, I'm just kidding. She didn't. But seriously, guys, do NOT bring knives to the pool. It will make you feel really awkward.

Something eventful: Yesterday I caught a fruit fly. With my left eye.
Wisdom of the Day: Don't create a wisdom of the day segment.
Shippuden: 83... still.
Recent Google Searches Includes: ”Why am I producing so much snot”. Seriously, though, why?!!

Everything is telling me to quit

2010-05-26T16:35:00.000-05:00

HERE'S A PICTURE OF A JEALOUS WORM

Something eventful: uh........... I had ravioli for dinner.
Wisdom of the Day: I don't know. Eat a fortune cookie.
Shippuden: 83!! DAMN I NEED TO KEEP WATCHING
Recent Google Searches Includes: "Human Centipede". I really don't remember searching for that.

Everyone uses the door metaphor

2010-05-17T07:54:00.000-05:00

Everyone uses the door metaphor. You know the one I'm talking about---One door closes, another one opens. There's a reason they use it, because it always happens. One of life's wonderful cliches.

But in my life, right now, it's like one moderately clean window was shut and then someone took a fucking wrecking ball to my entire house.

And I mean that in the best possible way.

What my nails look like now
What I feel like now
Shippuden: 80~! I haven't watched in days, though...
Recent Google Searches include: "Dildoes", "Lumpy Space Princess", "Sokka", and "Lactating fingers".

There it is:

2010-05-13T04:49:00.001-05:00

That hunger feeling. The one where I'm hungry to the point where my Stomach folds over, trying to delude himself that he's actually full. Hunger to the point of nauseousness, like the way you can be cold to the point of hot. I think, in that case, it's the body's way of defending against extreme temperature. Your cells are saying, "I can't take this. Maybe if we tell the Brain that we're really warm, then he'll fall for it and we'll BECOME warm!" It's called the placebo effect. The mind had that kind of power.

But it's a little worse for hunger---After some complaining, the Stomach takes note of the fact that he's still yet to be fed and so he convinces himself that he doesn't want food anyway. The Stomach is a petulant child.

Perception

2010-04-27T05:38:00.000-05:00

Perspective.
It's all about perspective.
People, I mean.

I judge people. I don't mean to, really.
I'm a naturally perceptive person. That sounds like an excuse, but it's not meant to be. I just find it easy to see people. Predict their actions. Reading people is like second nature to me.

Maybe that's why my head feels so fucked with. When you're not given all the basics of the material, there's no way that you be correct.

It's not like it should matter. I know it shouldn't, I do: the reason for the Shift is so trivial.

Regardless, the Shift has happened, and I still can't properly wrap my head around the fact that there was a shift at all. I can't shake the image of what I was so positively sure that I knew. I can't shake the fact that I was so completely and entirely wrong, because I still want to cling to what I thought I knew. It was warm, and reassuring, and overwhelmingly benevolent.

But this one, tiny, insignificant puzzle piece changes the picture entirely.

Here's something that I've known all along:

Nobody is the same in everyone's mind. To every single person, the material that they've been given makes up who they see you as. You are someone different to everyone.

Even going into everything knowing that, it's hard for me to realize there are so many more levels to people than I see.

I'm not living in a storybook world. These characters aren't characters: They're people. They can't be defined by certain traits or always be expected to act the same way. Real people are inconsistent, each with their own pounds of emotional baggage and multiple dimensions.

I am way, way over my head, and this is no longer an ocean I want to swim in.

SO I MET NOAH RINGER...

2010-04-18T07:56:00.001-05:00

...in my dream last night (ooh, bummer*, not real).

LET ME TELL YOU THE STORY! Yes!

So I was back in high school, and we were all watching this movie because we had a substitute, right? And my friend Erich comes over with his friend to the desk I was sitting on top of, and he was like,

him: Let's go play POKEMON BORED GAMES!
boy: *nods dramatically*
me: *is lame* But I really wanna see this educational film!
him: *picks me up*
me: hey!
corner: *we're in*

So we're in the corner setting up the pokemon board game and the shit subsitute comes over and is like,

shit-subsitute: No pokemon games! Against the rules!
me: Oh, this isn't pokemon.
boy: Nope. It's this other thing.
me: *notices how the mudkipp is really freaking distorted*
shit-subsitute: oh, okay! I see! It doesn't say "pokemon" in the copyright!
me: *yes it does*
shit-subsitute: *walks away*
me: HEY, NOAH! You should come play with us.

And Noah Ringer's a loner* in my dream, because that was what my subconscious decided, and he's still rockin' his arrow, because he's just a badass, and he's got these fucking huge/awesome headphones, because he's just a badass. Anyway, he comes over and sits with us and we introduce ourselves and then I'm like,

me: I am a huge fan~!
friends: *make fun of me*
me: I mean... I know it hasn't come out yet or anything, but... I love your work.
friends: *make fun of me*
me: ...in the trailers. I've seen them all.
Noah: *is super cool badass aang famous* *shoots air out of fingertips like a boss*

THE END! :D

Last time I showered: Yesterday?
Shippuden: 13, still. I'm stupid, and had to watch all of Hetalia. Which I did.
Last Google search: "Geriatrophile". Not explaining.

*Mild Chip's challenge reference?
*Japan.

2010-03-22T15:40:00.000-05:00

I'm way more afraid of people caring about me more than I care about them than I am of visa-versa. I'd rather be in the shoes of the broken than the shoes of the breaker. Maybe that makes me selfless and caring, or maybe it just makes me emotionally masochistic.

It doesn't matter what I am. I'm done being an enigma. I'm just a person.

MORE about stalking!

2010-02-22T12:32:00.001-06:00

The minute I feel myself developing actual feelings for a stalkee, I tone it down considerably. The fleeting high I get from following around (whether it be online or off) those I revere would not be worth the crushing guilt I’d feel if I was found out and put down. Those that I stalk, I all-but-wish for them to find out. I often leave it wide in the open, a creepy testament to the pedestal I’ve placed them on. They know, and sometimes they don't appreciate it, but I shrug it off. It does nothing but amuse me anymore. I'm immune, as long as I'm not personally invested.

Completely unrelated, but I just saw Love, Actually. It was the most amazing movie I've seen in quite a while. I think it goes without saying that my favorite pairing was the Prime Minister and his "Catering Manager", since I have an unorthodox preference for a story involving older men with younger women. Also, Hugh Grant is fucking sexy, and the most hilarious thing ever in that movie ("...Did you ever have this kind of problem? Yeah --- of course you did, you saucy minx.")... I want a Prime-Minister-type-character in my life.

OH, what's that, I already have one? Too fucking bad he's already got a serious girlfriend and they're both too awesome to mess with. FFFfffffftt.

Funny, how this post has come a complete circle, eh?

Days left until Austin: 12
Last time I showered: Yesterday... afternoon? I've been showering disgustingly often lately...
Where I'm at in Naruto: Oh God, I'm moving embarrassingly slowly. I'm in the middle of 188. These fillers are almost worse than the opening episodes...
Nail color: "Tutti Frutti Tonga," OPI

It's been a while

2010-02-17T05:48:00.000-06:00

...since I've blogged.

Last night I had a dream that there was a J.K. Rowling Pizza at Papa Johns, and you couldn't kiss anyone who didn't eat the same pizza because then the tastes would mingle and that would be blasphemous.

Also in my dream, my mom was getting ready to sell our place. She was like,
"Is there anything in this room that you'd like to keep?" I looked around at the dirt floor of the dark trailer.
"Well, there is one thing that's pretty cute," I said, in a hushed voice, referring to one of my stalkees that had shown up to bid me farewell.

...That really wasn't that interesting. Just incessantly creepy. I think I've been dreaming about my stalkees because I spend so much time stalking now that I have a car. Like, yesterday, my friend came over and all we did was go to walmart and then stalk our respective stalkees. Could I use the word stalk anymore? Yes. Stalk.

About a week prior, another one of my friends and I spent an entire day stalking. AN ENTIRE DAY. Crazy fun. I'm a psycho.

...So I realized that I'm really lacking in the pokemon department. It's been years since I've played Gold (my game broke), so I pretty much forgot all of the second generation pokemon. This makes me really sad. I hate forgetting things that once brought me joy. Hence why I once spent hours with Mallory writing out all of our inside jokes on an index card. I had only known her for a few months, but we had enough to fill both sides. Jokes included, "booby pins!", "Geometrial", and "WHEEZE! LUNGS GONNA BLOW UP!"

Those inside jokes aren't even really that inside, if you know what I'm saying.

...Now that I have wifi, I have a feeling that I'm going to be spending A LOT of time not-getting-out-of-bed.

Days left until Austin: 17
Last time I showered: Sometime yesterday?
Where I’m at in Naruto: ONBUUUU! (185)
Nail color: “Flirt,” Sally Hansen*

*I hate this color on my fingers. It's kind of a blood purple (the picture doesn't bring out the color too well). I only bought it to bring out my inner Orochimaru. Which reminds me...

Today, I ate:

2010-02-04T14:16:00.000-06:00

9:30am: two pieces of toast, buttered, apple, tea

11:00am: two vegetarian sausages, grape juice

12:45pm: half of a (large) bag of lays potato chips

3:00pm: two and a half large shortbread cookies, buttered

4:00pm: half of an avocado and feta sandwich from Revelations, pickle, chips

6:30pm: apple

7:15pm: two pieces of toast, buttered with honey, tea, three different vitamins

...who needs regular meal times, anyway?

...ALSO, I JUST GOT ONE OF THESE: http://www.formspring.me/hijklmichelle

You can now ask me anonymous questions. Or just talk to me. Anonymously. If you want. And stuff.

...

2010-01-30T15:55:00.000-06:00

It was only when she realized that she was gnawing on her own flesh that she wondered if she should start being more active in the world.

NO MORE HIGH SCHOOL EVER!!!

2010-01-26T04:29:00.000-06:00

So... Let's see. What has happened since I last blogged?

WELL, LET ME TELL YOU:

1. I became obsessed with Kakashi from Naruto.
2. I GOT TO OPEN MY MACBOOK PRO. His name is Charlie. He's 13 inches. Please take that the wrong way.
3. I spent an entire day (friday) fueling my newfound Kakashi obsession by watching Naruto. For a whole day. 23 episodes in 10 hours. In case you were looking for proof of my obsession/lameness.
4. I MADE A YOUTUBE CHANEL? Yeah? It's going to be ME and one of my FRIENDS and we're just going to talk about weird stuff. MAYBE ONE DAY WE WILL BE FAMOOOOOOSE ON THE INTERWEBS... WEAREMERECATS
5. I made a video about NOT SHOWERING (that's pretty good, if I do say so myself), but I can't put it up until MALLORY has PUT UP HER VIDEO blaaaahhhh
6. I've OFFICIALLY graduated from High School. It's about time, I mean, seriously, I was supposed to graduate TEN DAYS AGO.

I don't even know how to explain how I feel. It's kind of like freedom, but also kind of... not. I don't feel any different. Anti-climactic. I guess that's to be expected... so it wouldn't be anti-climactic... Meh?

So, I'm going to address an issue that I'm currently dealing with: facebook chat. And when people I don't know talk to me on it. This happens to me every now and then.
It's kind of awkward. It's like, I know THEY sought me out, but I'm kind of a complete and total weirdo----don't they realize that?
And then I feel like I have to be NORMAL, so as not to scare them away. I mean, not completely normal (where would the fun in that be?)... but just stay away from the topics of my obsession. Like Anime and Harry Potter and Kakashi in bondage.

...of course, it doesn't really help all that much when I just talk about it on HERE....

Days left until Austin: 39
Last time I showered*: 47 hours ago
Next time I have to shower: before work today.
Moment I'm at in Naruto: "Shikamaru... let's go to Kakashi-Sensei's place!**" (66)

*Is that too disturbing for a reoccurring topic? Should I not keep that one?
Just as a disclaimer... I usually DO shower frequently. Usually. I've stopped showering every single day, because my hair will all fall out if I wash it that often, and there's little point to showering if you're not going to wash your hair. Your body doesn't start to smell bad for quite a while. Society is so obsessed with cleanliness that it's frowned upon to skip a couple of days. Well... you'll hear all about it when I can post my video.

**HELLSYES, LET'S DO IT.

Wisdom!

2010-01-19T12:16:00.000-06:00

In life, I feel like there are two groups of things that are the most important to recognize. The first includes all the things that you have and are grateful for, and the second is comprised of all the things that you neither have nor want.
I am going to share these with you!

THINGS I HAVE AND AM GRATEFUL FOR:

1. Cinnamon Life (self explanatory)
2. The fact that I've got a group of likeminded, unconditional friends, even if they live far away
3. The internet (How could I live without you, internet?)
4. Lots of Crayons (again, self explanatory)
5. The fact that I'm graduating in three days, no matter what I get on my exams
6. My sister and her undying approval of my eclecticism
7. Talking Prince Zuko action figure (also self explanatory)
8. MY NEW MACBOOK PRO (even if I can't open it until I graduate)
9. Food (Cinnamon Life has its own category because it's more like magic than food)
10. A thermos (because he keeps my beverages at the desired temperature!!!)

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL TO NOT HAVE (that sometimes directly correlate to the corresponding number in the list above):

1. A social life (I'm too lazy / would rather be on the internet anyway)
2. Friends who don't approve of my thoughts/views/personality (hence why I don't really have a social life)
3. Martians (God, that would suck)
4. An alligator (just to match with those alligator shoes)
5. A second semester of my senior year
6. HIV/AIDs/Crabs/HPV/Chlamydia/etc
7. A talking Naruto action figure (BEEEEEELIEVE IT!!!!1shift!@2@!!one!!)
8. A quest (again, I am lazy*)
9. Meat (I hate meat)
10. A baby (who wants a baby?!!)

Well. I feel pretty good about my life after these lists. :D

*Like John Green, I am lazy in a way that doesn't mean I don't do things or get things done, but means that I usually... don't move.

Speaking of Hosbond....

2010-01-18T08:09:00.000-06:00

I really hope he never googles his last name, because there are like, ten of my blog entries that come up. Sort of embarrassing.

Anyway, I never posted that interview I did with him in the beginning of the year. WELL... HERE IT IS:

“Oh, is that today? Right now?” Mr. Hosbond asks, and I nod, following him into his room. He situates himself in his chair, propping his right ankle up on his left leg. I notice he’s wearing green argyle socks, despite the fact that his shirt is orange and plaid. The room was still the same as I remember, smelling faintly of something that wasn’t Fairfield High School; it was a bit like fresh air and cinnamon. The desks were arranged in the same way, and there were still art posters covering the walls. On the bulletin board is an amateur watercolor of him, surrounded by a bunch of rudimentary cats.

“Oh, you kept Brittani’s watercolor!” I exclaim, remembering how last year the bulletin board was littered with our drawings and pictures of cats. Our friend Beyana Magoon even went as far as to print off many pictures of his face in various bodies, one of which featured the same picture of Hosbond on every one of the pussycat doll’s necks. I smiled to myself, remembering his slight amusement before he ripped it from the wall and tossed it in the trash.

The Hosbond before me has the same expression on his face.

“I keep the rest of the stuff in a special drawer,” he says, gesturing to the right, where another desk held piles upon piles of papers and personal things. I flip through my notebook until I come upon the right page.

“Should I just talk? A lot?” He asks airily.
“Most of my questions are fairly normal, don’t worry,” I reply, thinking of what Brittani had told me to ask (the most socially acceptable of which were “When did he discover his love for argyle?” and “Will he somehow incorporate argyle into his wedding tux?”).

Yes, as most of you know, Mr. Hosbond is engaged. He and his fiancée plan to be wed next summer, but he eagerly confesses some of his earlier plans.

“We’re thinking about, for our wedding photos, getting an old tux and an old wedding dress, like from the Bargain Box,” he begins, “and then going out to the lake and taking pictures in the cattails... Some people would think that’s weird, all dirty and wet.” He laughs. Just like the photos, he and his fiancée plan on having a natural, non-traditional wedding outdoors.

Unlike most of us, Mr. Hosbond hasn’t always lived in Fairfield. He moved here when he was fresh out of college, where his original intent was to become an engineer.

“But then I realized… I don’t really like calculus as much as the next guy.” He remembered how his happiest memories from High School were in speech, drama, or the English classroom, and decided to become a teacher.

“Engineering equals bad. Happiness equals good,” he says, still in his breezy manner of amusement.

While going to college, Hosbond worked in a restaurant—the same one he had been working in since the age of fourteen. But after seven years of this, he decided to work in, of all places, a casino.

“I have so many, like, awesome memories from that,” he says, “working with people and dirty money… I’d be like, ‘hey, I’m looking at a million dollars right now!’ it was unreal.”

But currently, Hosbond is in the middle of his ninth year as a teacher. He teaches English 9, Composition, and speech classes—and, on top of that, drama activities. He urges me to be “politically correct”, stating that he coaches speech, mime, musical theater, and general acting. The Theater department holds try outs in October, the week after the fall play. “Certain kids are like trading cards,” he says, referring to how the selection process works, “I like to befriend them on the outside so they’ll try for only my divisions.” He laughs again.

But for an ordinary teacher, Hosbond gets an unusual amount of attention outside of school. “I feel like I’m becoming famous like Kurt Cobain,” he jokes, “at the mercy of all my fans. Once I was at the movie theater, and someone shouted, ‘HOSBOND’S HERE!’ then there was wild cheering and a standing ovation, during the previews… [My fiancée] was just like, ‘Holy crap, this is crazy’. I’m like a rock star.” He suspects the reason his students are so fond of him is that he connects with them on a more personal level than most teachers.

“Otherwise groups of girls wouldn’t find your house and chalk cats into your driveway,” I joke, referring to a particularly interesting afternoon I spent with a couple of my aforementioned friends.

“Yeah, it happens every year… I like it. Fun personal attention to my property...” I can’t tell if his voice it laden with sarcasm or delight, but he continues, “There used to be this one kid who would show up at three AM every night, saying, ‘I figured you’d be up’. I’d be like, ‘uh… go away’.”

Mr. Hosbond would also like the general public to know that he’s not a hateful person (“I get these calls from angry parents…”), and that he’s attained many of the goals he set out to: he’s been a “rock star”, he’s met famous people and he’s created and sold stuff (“I still have to publish this writing…”). Almost as an afterthought, he adds, “also, grey cats are the best animal on the planet.”

I am in love.

2010-01-17T03:12:00.000-06:00

With Ke$ha. I'm not even a lesbian, but my god, I want to marry her. She's so amazing.

If you're severely interested or something,

2010-01-01T09:56:00.001-06:00

a catalog of my posts from late 2008 - 2009 can be found at my old blog site:

http://lalalaamichelle.wordpress.com/